the bitchy waitress

there’s a blog that i love to stalk in my spare time. ok so i don’t actually have a lot of spare time, but when i get the chance (and you should check it out also if you get the chance) i love reading it is freaking hilarious. and so very true to so many of us who have spent years working in the service industry. so today, in honor of the bitchy waiter, i bring you the bitchy waitress…

one of his articles was on “10 signs you’ve worked in a restaurant too long” and i thought it was the funniest thing i read all weekend. so my salute to that, is this:

“you might work in a restaurant if…”

you stalk blogs about other people who work in restaurants and then write about it.

you’ve seen the movie “waiting” and pretty much live it every day.

you rush to help people carry things because we all know what happens when a full plate of wings gets dropped on the floor.

you understand that personal space is not in fact personal and will be invaded often.

you don’t realize how bad you smell like a restaurant until you walk out of that restaurant at the end of your shift.

you separate your laundry by restaurant/not restaurant rather than colors/whites.

you understand that even though they can be ugly, crocs are some of the best shoes.

the magic words inside your head are “shift beer” rather than “abracadabra.”

you instantly bond to others who have worked in the service industry and know that those who haven’t just won’t ever understand.

your friends look to you for wine selection when you go out to eat.

you overtip. every. single. time.

you know what it means to be a psychologist, friend, server, photographer, birthday singer, and bouncer all at the same time. for $2.13 and hour.

you and your best friend make promises to each other not to ever be THAT customer upon fear of death.

dirty jokes, comments about hygiene, sex, politics, you name it, don’t even phase you anymore.

you can make enough money to pay your mortgage/rent in three days in the summertime but in the winter it takes three weeks.

you understand that some of the best humans have or do work in the service industry.

you want to kill -ahem- gently chastise the tiny humans who run in front of you when you have an arm full of hot food.

your dominant arm is substantially stronger than you other arm because those plates are damn heavy.

you relate most other areas of your life/career outside of the restaurant back to the restaurant.

you can go from bitchy to sweetness and light in .2 seconds when you walk out of that wait station.

i could actually, probably keep going with this. the point is that working in a restaurant whether you are a (bitchy) waitress, bartender, cook, busser, cashier, caterer, expediter, host, or manager (yes, i have done all of this at some point or another) is a unique, terrifying, uplifting, interesting, and ever-changing experience. you will make the best of friends, have the worst of shouting matches. you will be groped, abused and appreciated… all in the same shift. you will work long hours for tiny pay and some short hours for bank.

personally i fee that every person should have to work in the service industry at some point or another if for no other reason than to give them a healthy appreciation for the people who choose to be there.

so next time you go out to eat, remember your server is a person and is one of many that form a team to get you the food you ordered. they are, for a short while, here to make your life a tiny bit better (as long as your tiny humans don’t get in their way) and want to make you happy. they work in service for a reason (even if that reason is just to pay rent) and that is in and of itself quite a statement.


oh. and please tip.


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