ok, so everything i write is a soliloquy that comes out of my head worthy of meredith grey. for those of you who have never watched grey’s anatomy (truth time: until 2 weeks ago i had never seen a single episode of the huge phenomenon that is grey’s anatomy so if you haven’t seen it, i understand), the main character, meredith grey, has (in almost every single episode) a monologue at the beginning and end of the episode that talks about the world through her eyes. how she sees different events, how she believes the human race lives, you get the point.
so i kinda do this to all of you readers. it’s just in print form and i don’t know nearly the medical terminology that dr. grey does.
oh, and i write my own stuff because my life is not a tv show and i don’t have a group of writers that pick out what they think should go in my head. and i’m not a fictional character.
anyways! so what have i been up to lately you ask? ok so you don’t ask, but, i’m gonna tell you anyways. because i can.
i may or may not have mentioned that i can’t grow plants for shit. yes, i’m southern, and i’m sure somewhere along the line, i have farmers in my family history. my dad has grown gardens before. but, it’s never really been my thing. i’ve always been the one who wants to be outside and look at everything. explore, take pictures, push myself up the side of a mountain. you get it. so… i kinda don’t have the green thumb in me. i have never kept a houseplant alive, with flowers, about the best i can do is keep cut ones fresh in a vase for a week or two. well, my dad mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that he wasn’t going to fool with planting his garden this year and asked if i wanted to use the space. so, my friend ash (yeah, the one from the roller derby) and i decided to give it a shot.
am i crazy? probably. will anything come up? probably not. but… we. planted. a. garden. oh and we had fun doing it. but there’s not much ash and i do that doesn’t lead to fun. we are fun girls. now if only we had thought to add some alcohol to that garden party? we could have topped our expectations entirely.
doing things that aren’t necessarily one of your favorite things to do with one of your best friends always makes it better. bonus: WORKOUT!
now, i am not a farmer, i would rather be in the city than a pasture. but, i do like fresh produce and our farmers market, as much as i love it, is far from cheap. so i’ll give it a shot. we will see what happens.
i’ve recently learned a very hard lesson in giving… up. you don’t know me that well, but i don’t give up on things that are important to me. i think someone once described me as tenacious (i’m using a lot of big words in this post… yay me!). i grab onto things that i value (family, friends, education, etc.) and i do whatever it takes. i don’t want to lose these things because they are who i am. they make up a part of me. and until recently, i thought if i ever let go, not only would i lose that connection, i would lose a part of my makeup (no, not the shit i put on my face).
but you know the saying “you can’t beat a dead horse?” well… you can’t.
there comes a point where the give and the take has to have balance. now that doesn’t necessarily mean 50-50. it’s not a quid-pro-quo kind of thing. but, at some point in giving, sometimes you have to give up. the strange thing, especially for someone like me, is that giving up on something does not mean i’ve failed. it’s actually kind of liberating to just let it go. once something you value starts to become negative, it begins to hurt you.
another thing i’ve learned. when you give up on something that is truly worth giving up on? you don’t lose the good that was there. the good part of you never goes away. it’s similar to closure. letting go. you remember the good even more because the negative is no longer draining that part of you.
now, if i’m not making sense, i’m sorry. and i’m not telling you that i think everything is worth giving up on. there is a line that you have to find within yourself that means the difference between giving, and giving up.
also, there are some things that should never be given up on, hope, love, yourself… some things are just too precious.
to end on a fun note, a joke:
“what do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?